- Posts tagged Children
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On this Leap Day, Don't be a Dummy Dad
Hello world! It's leap day! A day of profound celestial significance. A day of righting mathematical wrongs. A day so magical, so mind blowingly awesome, that it remains hidden during just 'ordinary' years. We couldn't handle a leap day every time around the Sun, so it banks up it's amazingness for a quadrennial visit. Leap day is sort of like the 12 Grimmauld Place* of the Gregorian calendar, and at this very special moment in time, it is revealed to us.
A Rational Children's Song
Evolution Made Us All
A Children's Song (below) by Ben Hillman
To the consternation of some, I'm raising my children without God.
It is of course our choice as parents to make, although as far as I'm concerned, there is no choice at all. If my boys decided to follow a religion as adults I would respect their decision, but I'm certainly not going to actively indoctrinate them with a mythological world-view at so impressionable an age. Especially not one that denies basic scientific fact, as some religious people do when it comes to evolution.
The Plausibility of Santa Claus and Scorpios
If You Believe in Astrology, You're Behaving Like a Child.
Christmas has come and gone, and with it another orgy of shredded wrapping paper and gravy-fueled gluttony. I count myself as a big fan of winter's big show, and did my part to outfit my kids with an embarrassing smorgasbord of plastic playthings. From AT-ATs to goalie pads, those boys made out like bandits.
Of course, my wife and I didn't take most of the credit for the presents — those kudos went to a fictional break-and-enter specialist from the north pole, aka Mr. Kristopher Kringle. As in millions of other homes around the globe, we helped sell the myth to our boys by leaving cookies as an offering to Santa. Once they were in bed, all that was needed was for Ma in her kerchief, and I in my cap, to settle right in for a short winter's snack. (Tip: don't eat the whole cookie - you have to leave a piece with a bite mark clearly visible)
A Great Gift Idea for Your Kids
I can't even attempt to describe to you all how busy I've been the last two weeks, because I literally don't have the time to describe it. Yes. That busy.
Anyway, I apologize for my absence from the blog, and I promise to write some preachy, heavy handed, and boring diatribes when the pressure's off. For now however, I'll let someone far more accomplished do my preaching for me.
Please parents, take this man's words to heart. Neil Degrasse Tyson is an astrophysicist and popularizer of science, and in this one short clip he summarizes why I think it's so important to raise my kids around science. In fact, he sort of summarizes the whole reason for the existence of this blog.
So have a watch, and consider giving your kids the gift of critical thinking this year.
Halloween 2010
So some of you may have noted in a previous post that I do this haunted house every year. Been doing it ever since I was 17 years old, most of the time with the help of my little bro.
This year the two of us spent more time together than any since we were kids, and had lots of opportunities to plan out our favourite day of the year. Usually this was done over a few pints before seeing a movie, so the ideas started getting a little bit 'out there'.
The True Spirit of Labour Day
Whenever 'Daddy Days' come along I always try to do something fun with the lads. I guess it's my way of subliminally programming them to love me. Since by default Mommies are always the favourite, Daddies have to work to make sure they at least fill the role of 'fun one'. We tend to buy them more toys, wrestle on the couch after dinner, and take them to sporting events. We also make way cooler laser sounds than Mommies when joining in on Star Wars play. It's all a not-so-subtle attempt at emotional bribery, but luckily toddlers aren't smart enough yet to know that their loyalties are being gerrymandered.
Sex with Teenagers
Some phrases just have zing, don't they?
Admit it, you're looking at this article because the title drew you in. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Whether or not you had any pre-existing interest in sex with teenagers yourself, there wasn't a force on earth that could have prevented you from clicking that link. Certain ideas are so attention grabbing that any previous notions floating around in your head are immediately dispelled. If three seconds before he was about to devise the theory of relativity someone had approached Albert Einstein and shouted "Look, kissing girls!", mankind would never have heard of E=mc².
Bad Boys, Mystery Men
A Podcast About Why Kids are Greedy, Selfish, and Far More Interesting Than Grown Ups
Have a kid? Ever seen two of them with designs on the same toy? Children have no social qualms whatsoever about biting a chunk of flesh out of a rival if it means two extra seconds with a desired plaything.
In this podcast we look at how parents spend all their time telling kids to share, because by doing so they're supposed to make friends.
What hypocrites.
Letters from Vomitslovakia
What a weekend.
On Wednesday night my oldest boy was stricken with a terrible stomach flu, one that caused every manner of excretion to come forth. I literally spent the entire day on Thursday lying beside him in bed, bucket in hand, ready to deal with whatever erupted from the depths of this poor child. I'll spare you any more grisly details, not least of which because I don't want to relive it.
Not that I was put off by the 'texture' of the situation, but rather that there's few ways to frighten any parent more than to see his or her own child become ill. While my logical mind told me that it was almost certainly a standard bug, the amount to which he was weakened was truly scary. While I can only hope that the worst is past, my poor little guy ate nothing for days, was subject to a hospital waiting room, and looks like he shed a number of pounds in that brief time. The killer was the moment he turned to me, mid-fever, drifting in-and-out of sleep, and whispered sweetly "I'm a sick monkey". He's still quite weak and has little appetite, and Daddy's worry-wart is throbbing painfully.
In that same time our family picked up our new car, I made peace with a friend I hadn't spoken to in some time, worked my tail off day and night, and had my little business see some disappointments and successes. Many of these are things I'd normally report to you, my imagined audience, but none of them felt relevant in light of the shape my boy was in.
It reminded me of the slight sadness I felt, although largely out-shadowed by outright joy, on the day of his birth. While I was jubilant, exhilarated, and endlessly happy about the arrival of my new little guy, for the first time I felt in some way... mortal.
While I, like many other people, can handle the idea of anything bad happening to myself, the degree to which one feels anguish over even the possibility of harm coming upon their kid is staggering. I realized once he came into the world that there was now a chink in my armour, one that could never be sealed. My happiness or lack thereof would be forever be tied to the fortunes of these little people.
Upon today's visit to the doctor I learned that it was probably Rotavirus, a very common but potent cause of stomach flu. He seems now to be making the turn, although I ask each reader to knock on whatever substance they feel brings good fortune. He still won't eat much, but there are smiles to be had on that precious little face.
My heart goes out to any parent who's dealt with far worse, and I know a few. This is why I can no longer tolerate hearing about any sort of violence towards children, either in fiction or fact. The instinct that was flipped on when that little guy was born is perhaps the strongest that DNA provided me with, as I'm sure is the case for nearly everyone.
That's pretty much my whole story on the subject. There's no nugget of previously undiscovered perspective to be had here. What I'm describing is the most basic and universal of human traits. Sick or healthy, there's nothing more important than one's own children.
I'm happy to hold that bucket, because I love those little pukes.
